Random Meditations

For some reason I feel restless tonight. It's like a strange feeling of having the desire to write or to be productive, but at the same time not feeling like doing anything at all, especially during times of writer's block. This isn't the first time I felt like this. And obviously it wouldn't be the last.

For some reason this reminds me of a unique psychological condition known as "hypergraphia". A person with this condition essentially suffers from the continuous "compulsion" to constantly write. Supposedly Van Gough, the artist, suffered from this disorder and, according to some biblical scholars, the prophet Ezekial somewhat suffered from this condition as well (supposedly).

Personally, whenever I'm at a creative dead end, I have the tendency to envy those who have this condition. But at the same time I realize that the envy that I feel is narrow-minded, since what I'm wishing for is a life-debalitating condition that causes suffering to whoever has it.

It's quite strange how we tend to envy people for certain things, only to choke on the very things we envy once we received them. The problem that we have, as humans, is the tendency to idealize or repeat to ourselve "if only" continuosly without even thinking. This habit is almost intuitive to the human condition. I feel that this is because we know, deep down, that there must be something better than THIS--a world where everything that's suppose to be IS.

In a way, it's as though humanity has been imprinted within them the instict of Eden--the instinct that we are all exiles from a place that was perfect, but no longer is and that we must come back; that we must return home.